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George
Costanza:
1. Never walk without a document in your handsPeople with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees heading for important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they're heading for the cafeteria. People with a newspaper in their hand look like they're heading for the toilet. Above all, make sure you carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus generating the false impression that you work longer hours than you do. 2.
Use computers to look busy
Any time you use a
computer, it looks like "work" to the casual observer. You can
send and receive personal e-mail, chat and generally have a blast without
doing anything remotely related to
work. These aren't exactly the societal benefits that the proponents of the
computer revolution would like to talk about but they're not bad either. When
you get caught by your boss - and you *will* get caught
-- your best defense is to claim you're teaching yourself to use new
software, thus saving valuable training dollars.
3.
Messy desk
Top management can get
away with a clean desk. For the rest of us, it looks like we're not
working hard enough. Build huge piles of documents around your workspace. To
the observer, last year's work looks the same as today's work; it's volume
that counts. Pile them high and wide. If
you know somebody is coming to your cubicle, bury the document you'll need
halfway down in an existing stack and rummage for it when he/she arrives. 4.
Voice Mail
Never answer your phone if you have voice mail. People don't call
you just because they want to give you something for nothing - they call
because they want YOU to do work for THEM. That's no way to live. Screen
all your calls through voice mail. If somebody leaves a voice mail message for you and it sounds like
impending work, respond during lunch hour when you know they're not there -
it looks like you're hardworking and conscientious even though you're being a
devious weasel. 5.
Looking Impatient and Annoyed
According to George
Costanza, one should also always try to look impatient and annoyed to give your
bosses the impression that you are always busy. 6.
Leave the office late
Always leave the office late, especially when the boss is still
around. You could read magazines and storybooks that you always wanted to read
but have no time until late before leaving. Make sure you walk past
the boss' room on your way out. Send important emails at unearthly hours (e.g.
9:35pm, 7:05am, etc.) and during public holidays. 7.
Creative Sighing for Effect
Sigh loudly when there
are many people around, giving the impression that you are under extreme
pressure. 8.
Stacking Strategy
It is not enough to pile
lots of documents on the table. Put lots of books on the floor etc. (thick
computer manuals are the best). 9.
Build Vocabulary
Read up on some computer
magazines and pick out all the jargon and new products. Use the
phrases freely when in conversation with bosses. Remember: They don't have
to understand what you say, but you sure sound impressive. 10.
MOST IMPORTANT:
DON'T forward this to your boss by mistake!!! |
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