True Court Case Statements   

The following are statements made during actual court cases.

Judge:      I know you, don't I?
Defendant:  Uh, yes.
Judge:      All right, tell me, how do I know you?
Defendant:  Judge, do I have to tell you?
Judge:      Of course, you might be obstructing justice not to tell me.
Defendant:  Okay. I was your bookie.
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Judge:      The charge here is theft of frozen chickens.  Are you the 
defendant?
Defendant:  No, sir, I'm the guy who stole the chickens.
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Judge:     Is there any reason you could not serve as a juror in this case?
Juror:     I don't want to be away from my job that long.
Judge:     Can't they do without you at work?
Juror:     Yes, but I don't want them to know it.
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Defendant:  Judge, I want you to appoint me another lawyer.
Judge:      And why is that?
Defendant:  Because the Public Defender isn't interested in my case.
Judge (to Public Defender): Do you have any comments on the defendant's 
motion?
Public Defender: I'm sorry, Your Honor. I wasn't listening.
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Judge:         Please identify yourself for the record.
Defendant:     Colonel Ebenezer Jackson.
Judge:         What does the "Colonel" stand for?
Defendant:     Well, it's kinda like the "Honorable" in front of your name.  
Not a darnn thing.
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Judge:         You are charged with habitual drunkenness. Have you anything 
to say in your defense?
Defendant:     Habitual thirstiness?
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Defendant (after being sentenced to 90 days in jail): Can I address the court?
Judge:      Of course.
Defendant:  If I called you an idiot, what would you do?
Judge:      I'd hold you in contempt and assess an additional five days in 
jail.
Defendant:  What if I thought you were an idiot?
Judge:      I can't do anything about that. There's no law against thinking.
Defendant:  In that case, I think you're an idiot!!!

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