ANSWERING MACHINE ANSWERS RECORDED:

ACTUAL ANSWERING MACHINE ANSWERS RECORDED AND VERIFIED BY THE
WORLD FAMOUS INTERNATIONAL INSTITUTE OF ANSWERING MACHINE ANSWERS.

(some of the answers recorded were omitted due to unaccepted language!) 
    2.   A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those
          reasons is why we're not here. So, leave a message.
    3.   Hi. This is John:  If you are the phone company,
          I already sent the money.  If you are my parents,
          please send money.  If you are my financial aid
          institution, you didn't lend me enough money.  If
          you are my friends, you owe me money.  If you are
          a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.
    4.   Hi.  Now you say something.
    5.   Hi, I'm not home right now, but my answering
          machine is, so you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep.
    6.   Hello. I am Matt's answering machine. What are you?
    7.   Hello! If you leave a message, I'll call you
          soon. If you leave a "sexy" message, I'll call sooner!
    8.   Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is
          his refrigerator.  Please speak very slowly, and
          I'll stick your message to myself with one of these
          magnets.
    9.   Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am
          capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need
          siding, windows or a hot tub, and their carpets are
          clean.  They give to charity through their office
          and do not need their picture taken. If you're still
          with me, leave your name and number and they will
          get back to you.
    10.  This is not an answering machine -- this is a
           telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone,
           think about your name, your number and your reason
           for calling, and I'll think about returning your call.
    11.  Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding
           someone I don't like.  Leave me a message, and if I
           don't call back, it's you.
    12.  Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I can't answer
           the phone right now.  Leave a message and then wait
           by your phone until I call you back.
    13.  If you are a burglar, then we're probably at
           home cleaning our weapons right now and can't come
           to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't home and
           it's safe to leave a message.
    14.  Please leave a message. However, you have the
           right to remain silent. Everything you say will be
           recorded and will be used by us.
    15.